![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
A social experiment
Oct. 12th, 2011 11:37 pm
So I got a link from a friend a few days ago that went to a test she'd taken online. Decided to take it myself out of boredom, mostly, and then realized that the dating site it was part of required me to make a free account and a basic profile in order to use the test and see the results.
Hmmmm. I've never really used internet dating sites before. I think I may have a profile on OK Cupid because of some dumb quiz I took there a while back, but I can't even remember how to log into it, that's how much I've ever bothered with it. You hear all the time how people lie on those sites, and you might think you're talking to some perfectly decent, civilized person only to find out later that you've been chatting with an axe murderer or something.
Then again, that can happen in meatspace, too, and I've never been particularly given to paranoia. Well, I thought, what the hell? It's just a test, I don't actually have to stick around and do anything.
So I went ahead and plugged in some info (have I mentioned that I really hate online forms with a million little dropdown boxes? I always screw them up!) managed to come up with a username that didn't sound too dorky, and used Rockville, MD as my location, since that's the home of a friend I'd just been talking to the day before. (Regular readers of this journal know I'm planning to move to central Maryland as soon as I can manage it, preferably within the next few months.) I've no interest in having a dating site match me with men here in Cleveland, because I'm leaving as soon as everything falls into place jobwise, and I've had no trouble meeting guys here on my own for whatever purely casual dating I've felt like doing since rejoining the ranks of the single and unattached back in January. Not that there's been a lot of that, as busy as I've been and with my not wanting to risk getting attached to someone in a place I'm leaving, but a girl's got to have some fun, right?
Took the test and got my results, reconfirming that no matter how good the program or test may be, there are always bound to be glitches somewhere. But for the most part, it was fairly close to pegging my basic personality type, I think. I plugged in the one close-up photo I had of myself since my external drive got fried (yay for Facebook, which is where I pulled it from), left the info section mostly blank, and noodled around a bit looking at the matches the site sent me. A few decent-seeming guys, a few others that made me really question the matching program, and the rest were middle-of-the-road types. Only two really caught my eye, and only one of those had a profile that actually made me laugh. If someone can make me laugh in the first two seconds and they're not even in the room, that's a good sign. I did send him a quick note complimenting him on his sense of humor, because people whose minds appear to work that similarly to my own don't cross my path terribly often. Wasn't looking for anything in particular and didn't actually expect to hear back, and was surprised when I did. We've had a bit of conversation since then, and it's been thoroughly enjoyable.
I fleshed out my profile and had contacts from a few guys, including one who was twenty-nine and couldn't fathom why I said he was way too young for me. I'm forty-seven, for cryin' out loud. I have several good friends in their late twenties, but I don't want to date men that much younger than I am. I'd already explained to him that I wasn't even local -- I've been careful to do that in the first exchange or so with everyone, because it would be neither fair nor honest not to -- and he still kept on. Guess some guys are really into the whole "cougar" thing. Problem is, I'm not one of those women. I've dated younger men often enough, and I got kind of tired of having to be the sole adult in my relationships. Granted, this all happened when I was between twenty-five and thirty-five, and guys under thirty aren't exactly well-known for high levels of emotional maturity, but still. I'd rather date guys my age or older, because I've generally had better experiences with them.
Of course, I'm not looking to start any kind of relationship with anyone from the site right at the moment, beyond just making friends. After all, these are guys who live at least 300 miles from me, so anything beyond basic "getting to know you" stuff pretty much has to wait on account of geography. I've had long-distance relationships before, and they're difficult on the best of days. In fact, when I actually got around to writing the text section of my profile, I toyed with the idea of putting my current location in to make my entire situation clear at a glance, but I had a hard time coming up with a way to explain it that didn't sound lame. So I left that part on the mental "back burner" to percolate a bit and figured that in the meantime I'd just keep explaining my situation to anyone I wound up talking to. It's still percolating, though now I've seen another couple of profiles where the guy is in the same situation, so I may crib an idea or two from their wording, because I think it it probably should be there. (Does that make me too honest for my own good, or is wanting to be that up-front about things just an unavoidable part of my nature that I should embrace and quit second-guessing? )
In any case, I am curious to find out what kind of men I'll be likely to meet after moving. Not that I even know where I'm going to wind up yet. Could be near DC, could be in or near Baltimore (picking the two areas where I have friends, either from college, from the SCA or other organizations, or friends from Cleveland who have relocated ahead of me), or could conceivably be anywhere else in the state -- though not as likely, because I prefer to live in the near environs of large cities. Obviously, as in so much of life, everything depends on work, though of course I'm partial to large metro areas and I'd prefer to be where I already know people. But making contacts and cultivating new friendships even ahead of a move isn't a bad thing, I think.
Hmmmm. I've never really used internet dating sites before. I think I may have a profile on OK Cupid because of some dumb quiz I took there a while back, but I can't even remember how to log into it, that's how much I've ever bothered with it. You hear all the time how people lie on those sites, and you might think you're talking to some perfectly decent, civilized person only to find out later that you've been chatting with an axe murderer or something.
Then again, that can happen in meatspace, too, and I've never been particularly given to paranoia. Well, I thought, what the hell? It's just a test, I don't actually have to stick around and do anything.
So I went ahead and plugged in some info (have I mentioned that I really hate online forms with a million little dropdown boxes? I always screw them up!) managed to come up with a username that didn't sound too dorky, and used Rockville, MD as my location, since that's the home of a friend I'd just been talking to the day before. (Regular readers of this journal know I'm planning to move to central Maryland as soon as I can manage it, preferably within the next few months.) I've no interest in having a dating site match me with men here in Cleveland, because I'm leaving as soon as everything falls into place jobwise, and I've had no trouble meeting guys here on my own for whatever purely casual dating I've felt like doing since rejoining the ranks of the single and unattached back in January. Not that there's been a lot of that, as busy as I've been and with my not wanting to risk getting attached to someone in a place I'm leaving, but a girl's got to have some fun, right?
Took the test and got my results, reconfirming that no matter how good the program or test may be, there are always bound to be glitches somewhere. But for the most part, it was fairly close to pegging my basic personality type, I think. I plugged in the one close-up photo I had of myself since my external drive got fried (yay for Facebook, which is where I pulled it from), left the info section mostly blank, and noodled around a bit looking at the matches the site sent me. A few decent-seeming guys, a few others that made me really question the matching program, and the rest were middle-of-the-road types. Only two really caught my eye, and only one of those had a profile that actually made me laugh. If someone can make me laugh in the first two seconds and they're not even in the room, that's a good sign. I did send him a quick note complimenting him on his sense of humor, because people whose minds appear to work that similarly to my own don't cross my path terribly often. Wasn't looking for anything in particular and didn't actually expect to hear back, and was surprised when I did. We've had a bit of conversation since then, and it's been thoroughly enjoyable.
I fleshed out my profile and had contacts from a few guys, including one who was twenty-nine and couldn't fathom why I said he was way too young for me. I'm forty-seven, for cryin' out loud. I have several good friends in their late twenties, but I don't want to date men that much younger than I am. I'd already explained to him that I wasn't even local -- I've been careful to do that in the first exchange or so with everyone, because it would be neither fair nor honest not to -- and he still kept on. Guess some guys are really into the whole "cougar" thing. Problem is, I'm not one of those women. I've dated younger men often enough, and I got kind of tired of having to be the sole adult in my relationships. Granted, this all happened when I was between twenty-five and thirty-five, and guys under thirty aren't exactly well-known for high levels of emotional maturity, but still. I'd rather date guys my age or older, because I've generally had better experiences with them.
Of course, I'm not looking to start any kind of relationship with anyone from the site right at the moment, beyond just making friends. After all, these are guys who live at least 300 miles from me, so anything beyond basic "getting to know you" stuff pretty much has to wait on account of geography. I've had long-distance relationships before, and they're difficult on the best of days. In fact, when I actually got around to writing the text section of my profile, I toyed with the idea of putting my current location in to make my entire situation clear at a glance, but I had a hard time coming up with a way to explain it that didn't sound lame. So I left that part on the mental "back burner" to percolate a bit and figured that in the meantime I'd just keep explaining my situation to anyone I wound up talking to. It's still percolating, though now I've seen another couple of profiles where the guy is in the same situation, so I may crib an idea or two from their wording, because I think it it probably should be there. (Does that make me too honest for my own good, or is wanting to be that up-front about things just an unavoidable part of my nature that I should embrace and quit second-guessing? )
In any case, I am curious to find out what kind of men I'll be likely to meet after moving. Not that I even know where I'm going to wind up yet. Could be near DC, could be in or near Baltimore (picking the two areas where I have friends, either from college, from the SCA or other organizations, or friends from Cleveland who have relocated ahead of me), or could conceivably be anywhere else in the state -- though not as likely, because I prefer to live in the near environs of large cities. Obviously, as in so much of life, everything depends on work, though of course I'm partial to large metro areas and I'd prefer to be where I already know people. But making contacts and cultivating new friendships even ahead of a move isn't a bad thing, I think.
